if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
