my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
