I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
