bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize