it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
