if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
