Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
