she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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