i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize