He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
