Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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