drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize