Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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