just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
