Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize