i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
