I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
