and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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