11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
