Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
