I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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