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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
