made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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