Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
