You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
