: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
