Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
