Im at strip club and am horny
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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