the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
