I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
