But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
