put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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