so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
