I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
