Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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