so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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