So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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