I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize