I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
