Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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