it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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