his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
