Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
