Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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