I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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