I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
