I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
