JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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