it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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