Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
