stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
