I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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