He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
