Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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