I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The uberlube is also flammable
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
