How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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