are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
