you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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