the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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