I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
