Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize