ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
