Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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