he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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