i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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