Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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